From: The Hometown News
Articles by Justice Richard C. Authier
THE
SISTERS PERPETUAL
Every
family has them. They attack gradually, beginning with little comments and then escalating as the wedding day approaches.
No one is safe regardless of age, race, religion or sexual orientation. They are mothers, grandmothers, aunts and friends,
or their male equivalent. Prior to the wedding they have been sweet, lovable people. But now they are the have a purpose and
that purpose is to follow tried and true traditions. Or worse yet, that you must have the wedding that they never had.
It
is Our Lady of Perpetual Manipulation and her sisters!
As
soon as the initial congratulations, hugs and kisses are over with, the announcement of your impending marriage creates a
chemical reaction in these sisters that changes them completely. It starts right away with the first question: When is the wedding? If you say summer, it is too hot. Winter
is too cold. The manipulation begins. It does not take the intelligent couple
long to realize that you are being lead to having the wedding that OLoPM has always wanted (for herself).
Finances
plays perhaps the biggest part of any wedding and many couples think that just because her parents are paying for it, the
couple has to do whatever is demanded. This is not as true anymore; many couples now pay for their own wedding. Maybe they
do so in order to avoid OLoPM. Good idea, but it still doesn’t work.
Your
wedding plans have usually escalated by the second month. The “Guest List” is a major source of contention. Everyone
must be invited but costs must be maintained. If you invite that second cousin that you grew up with, went to school with,
and have been best friends with, then you must invite all of the second cousins and their families, Your “Guest List”
would increase dramatically. OLoPM has struck again.
When a couple starts
to complain that things are getting out of hand OLoPM quotes her sister, Our Lady of Perpetual Tradition as the basis of their
decisions. They inform you that people will be hurt if not invited and, anyway, this is the way that this family has always
done things. OLoPM has now introduced you to another sister in one sentence. Our Lady of Perpetual Guilt.
Let’s
talk about traditions for a moment. Granted that Our Lady of Perpetual Tradition has a place in your wedding, but some things
just have to be re-evaluated. Since when has the Chicken dance and dollar dance, as well as the “Hokie Pokie,”
been considered a tradition? Even “Proud Mary” could use a walker now. The
Chicken Dance and the “Hokie Pokie’ were Kindergarten exercises and the Dollar dance is an embarrassment to any
educated woman.
How
does the engaged couple fight these sisters? In many cases, they don’t.
Just accept it as tradition and get through it. I don’t blame that woman who had 600 guests and 14 bridesmaids from
running away. But there are ways to make things easier and actually have the wedding you want
Make
sure that you and your fiance(e) know exactly what you want for a wedding. Then discuss what the family would expect from
you. Decide what you can live with and what you absolutely want no part of. Attend
a family wedding on both sides because what you see is what someone in that family wants for you.
Use
diplomacy. If you do not want the traditional bouquet and garter toss, try having all married couples up on the dance floor.
Have your DJ increasingly call out years of marriage and anyone under that many years leave the dance floor. The final couple
standing gets the bouquet and the garter. Now how do you get that by sisters
Manipulation, Guilt and Tradition? Explain that perhaps it will be Great Grandma
and Great Grandpa who have been married the longest, wouldn’t that be an honor for them.
Avoid
an argument. Our Ladies of Perpetual Manipulation, Guilt and Tradition don’t see that they are giving you the wedding
that they want. They forget that they did not get the wedding that they wanted either. Arguments will only increase your stress
level that is already bad enough as it is. Remember that the sisters are really thinking of what is best for you. They really
mean well.
Now
if all of this fails, my recommendation is very simple – get everyone mad at you and
ELOPE
________________________________________________________________________
The wedding rehearsal
With so much left to be done on
the night before your wedding, a rehearsal is probably one of the last things that a couple wants to do. I do not recommend
a rehearsal for every couple I meet. Some just have things so together that it is not necessary. Others, however, need several
weeks of rehearsal and even that would not be enough.
So, let’s assume that for
comfort sake, the couple wants a rehearsal. What should a couple prepare for?
Finances, once more, play a part in the rehearsal.
A Justice of the Peace will charge a couple for a rehearsal. Rehearsal fees are
not regulated by the Commonwealth therefore they can be: a flat fee; hourly; or at the discretion of the Justice of the Peace.
Always ask what the fee is and be prepared to pay it at the time requested.
The most common complaint that I hear is: “Why
does a JP charge so much for a rehearsal?” It is a fair question and deserves
to be answered. A good Justice has to schedule their time and may be missing
booking a wedding in order to conduct the rehearsal. The work involved in the
rehearsal is more than most people realize. The Justice must keep the couple comfortable, get everyone to go through their
paces and possibly repeat the steps many times while maintaining a pleasant atmosphere Your attendants are looking forward
to partying that night and are not too interested in rehearsing. So maintaining control, giving advice and calming the nervous
couple can be quite challenging.
Invariably, after everyone has gone through all of
their steps and are familiar with all of their duties, the latecomer arrives. The Bride normally gets all excited and demands
that we go through the rites all over again. I have had to start charging a fee of $100 per rehearsal. Several rehearsals
have run into two (2) hours and the change in my fee schedule is warranted.
What can a couple do to ease the stress on everyone
the night of the wedding?
Ø
Set up a realistic rehearsal time. If the majority of the people involved in your wedding party work until 5:00
PM – a 5:30 rehearsal is not very feasible. Try 6:30 or even 7:00.
Ø
Make sure you advise your attendants and family members that the rehearsal will start at the set time. Blame the JP and say that you are being charged by the hour. Don’t worry, we
can handle the stress.
Ø
Only one (1) person can run the rehearsal. The Justice of the Peace is the professional to do this. If you have a Wedding coordinator, let them work together, but only one (1) person speaks. All questions
should, therefore, be directed to the Justice of the Peace.
Ø
Have the Marriage License and the fees available at the rehearsal. Remember that the solemnization of a wedding
cannot happen without the Marriage License.
This may all sound very strict but it really isn’t.
A good Justice of the Peace will bring humor to the situation, offer valuable suggestions and put everyone at ease.
This is also the perfect time to see your Justice
of the Peace in his/her element. If you do not like the style of the JP at this rehearsal, it is still not too late to replace
them. (www.mjpa.org has a list of JPs available). Remember that this is your wedding and the Justice of the Peace is there to serve
you. Your requests should be met with willing acceptance.
Congratulations and take the time to enjoy your own
wedding.
